Charging Through Life

Sometimes I loathe living in West Hollywood. You may think that this is a magical gay land full of rainbows, divas, drag queens, style and fabulousness. And, yes, while it's true in West Hollywood you can see a striper who is also a GQ model dancing on a box at Mickey's on a Wednesday, that level of frivolity comes with a price. And that price is paid in carbs!

I'm actually surprised the city allows things like gluten, bleached flower, and sugar into the city limits. We're talking about the town that doesn't allow smoking, even outside. The fact that I can still freely bring a muffin into the privacy of my own home in this town is a bit shocking.

Our little rundown 24-Hour Fitness got a facelift recently and has just begun to strut her stuff back out into the public eye. Like any good resident of this town, the gym knew when it was time to have a little bit of work done and, honestly who among us hasn't had a little "freshing up" in our day. As the good book says, "He who is without collagen injections can cast the first stone."  So I was excited to gush over my old friend's new appearance, and rushed over on opening day with my buddy Regan. There are two things to remember about going to a West Hollywood gym...

1. Do your hair and look your cutest because, come on, it's not about the sweat it's about the eye candy.
2. Take a friend who can push more than 15lbs on the iso machines. I think people were starring. 

25.5% Body fat, 40.15lbs of Fat and 119.15lbs of Lean Muscle for a total weight of 159.25lbs (up 10.5lbs from 9/18/09)

Alright, granted being under 160lbs should not be thought of as fat by anyone, especially in a country fed by McDonald's.  But this is West Hollywood and I'm a single, unemployed 30-something. This Fag is FAT!

When you get serious about a major change in your life, particularly body shape, it's important to track your results. A scale is great and I went out and purchased one; but a bathroom scale doesn't tell the whole story. Especially for men looking to add muscle, a bathroom scale could be the worse instrument for tracking progress and could end up completely de-motivate you. Accurate body fat measurements are key for tracking success and the best way to measure body fat, that I've found, is through hydrostatic testing.

Body Fat Test is a mobil weight measurement clinic I was first introduced to at Beachbody. Inside this truck there is a tank of water that you sit in and fully submerge yourself while expelling all the air in your lungs. The result is a far more accurate measurement than other methods.

With this accurate knowledge in-hand, I clearly understand that I need to drop a good 10 to 15 pounds of fat. To aid in that quest I purchased Tim Ferriss' "The 4-Hour Body."

Author of the international phenomenon and NY Times Best Seller, "The 4-Hour Workweek," Ferris spent years experimenting on himself and meticulously documenting his results for this new book. In it he claims you can lose 20 pounds in 30 days without exercise on a high-protein, low/no-carb diet. I'm still reading and trying to extract a plan - there's more than 550 pages in this fucker!

By sticking to the plan and successfully combining all the elements of better nutrition, 2 daily workouts, tracking and motivation, I'll be rocking the hot WeHo body by Spring.

At the end of the day, OK yea, I'm doing all this for me. I can't live my best life with 20 extra pounds of fat. But come on, the motivation here really comes from the twink with the 28" waist I passed on the street the other day. I'm gonna cut that bitch.
(do you see now how violent West Hollywood really is?)

It's been 10 days and I have finally crawled out of the desert onto the other side. I have finished The Master Cleanse detox diet. I had mentioned that this extreme detox process is fraught with opinion and controversy so best to just experience it for myself. Well I experienced it alright. If you are considering something like this I can honestly tell you this one caution: be prepared to be hungry! I have never thought about food more than during these past 10 days. And like a crazy pregnant woman with odd cravings, I have thought about (and dreamed about) foods that normally I don't desire.

Did I loose weight? Yes.
Did I eliminate toxins? Yes.
Did I do my body good? Yes.
Did I want a burger a fries the whole time? Yes!

I don't know that I can honestly recommend this for everyone and I'm not certain I'll do it again. There is a commitment level to completing it that is challenging. And although I feel fantastic and have learned some things about my body, the payoff may not have been worth all the trouble. Throughout the process I experienced emotional swings where I was empowered to make great improvements one part of the day, and then felt like giving up another part of the day. I also sorta isolated myself from the outside because there was food and alcohol out there that I couldn't enjoy. Friends went to the movies without me, for example.

I have learned that I use food as a source of entertainment. It is something to fill the void. Sitting in my condo all day working (or trying to work) I use to let my stomach be the boss. Also, I am easily distracted, so if I got bored working or needed to take a break I would simply go and grab something to eat. Sometimes I would eat a meal just because it was "about that time."

I also learned that I often will talk myself out of better choices. Before, when I was hungry and looking around the kitchen, part of my brain would be saying, "make a salad - it's healthy," while the other side of my brain would say, "fuck it - you've got a box of mac & cheese sitting right there." Guess which side would win? Completing this process has made me more aware of these habits so I will hopefully make better conscious choices in the future.

After 10 days of eating a bushel of lemons I can say that, yea, I lost some weight. However it's not a substitute for the gym and a good diet.

One of the main reasons I decided to do this was to loose a little bit of weight. Because of my "fuck it" attitude of the past few months, my belly region had expanded and I was not pleased. I am happy to report that my gut has gone down, though it's still not flat and ripped like I dream it should be. The other thing I've learned is that The Master Cleanse is not a substitute for exercise. Rather than being a quick-fix solution, it should be thought of as a jump-start jolt to a better lifestyle. And I'm absolutely committing myself to that mindset.

If you are considering The Master Cleanse I have a couple of helpful suggestions for you.

1. Have a buddy. This is not something to do on your own because misery loves company.
2. Do it for the right reasons. This should be used as a jump-start to better choices and eating more whole foods cooked from home. If you're just going to run back out to Burger King afterwords, or can only cook with Hamburger Helper, then don't bother.

 The biggest takeaway from this experience is a since of accomplishment. I experienced something very difficult to do and saw it through to completion. Come on, I was basically starving myself for the past 10 days on purpose and didn't give up. It's another example for me to recall on when faced with uncertainty or hesitation in life that that will remind me that I am bigger than I sometimes give myself credit for and I WILL do anything I set my mind to.

Now, can somebody now please find me damn muffin!

People said I was crazy to do the 10-day Master Cleanse. Here on day 3, I wonder if they may be right. It has been a rather difficult day mentally for me. My emotions have run the gamut from empowered to depressed. I've spent the day alone wanting to be productive and accomplish some work, but instead I've mostly sat around by myself wanting to munch on something.

I began to question my motives for doing this cleanse when it hit me... this is only day 3! If I can't stick to something for more than 3 days then there is something very wrong here. I am no stranger to change and I'm only changing myself for 10 stupid days. It should be a piece of cake.
(yummmmmmm cake)

It's really more a matter of habits. I am in the habit of eating solid foods. I am in the habit of being comforted by food. I am in the habit using food as a source of entertainment outside of the home. And it's because of these habits that I must complete The Master Cleanse.

These bad habits need to be flushed out of me like the toxins that have accumulated from years of consuming processed food. Hopefully, upon the conclusion of this experience, I will see a new slate upon which to scribe new habits for myself. No sodas, fresh juice, more vegetables, complex carbs. Sounds simple enough to do, but when you are mired in habits that are convenient, you need something significant to initiate even simple changes.

But you can be damn sure that I fully intend on treating myself to a cheeseburger after all this shit! (hopefully I'll choose to use ground turkey for a change)

If anyone is actually out there reading this blog (and I sometimes question that) you'll notice a few themes that have run rampant this past year: money, relationships and weight.

Now anyone who knows me will probably describe me as a skinny bitch who looks 10 years younger than he is. (to which I say, "fabulous!") If there is one thing I have learned in my years as a gay man it's how to bat a smile to divert attention from the things I don't want you to see. Like a magician, I distract you with one hand while covering my belly with the other.

But I am becoming more increasingly aware that I am now, in fact, 34, single, maturing, and not at my optimal/ideal weight and/or self. It is with this in-mind that I have started the 10-day "Master Cleanse" detox (and hopefully diet). It is a somewhat gross sounding regiment where you replace all foods with a lemonade concoction for ten days, and then begin re-introducing food into your system for 3 more days. It is fraught with opinion and controversy on the internet and among friends who all will give you an opinion. Even I once persuaded a friend against doing it. But then, what the hell.

This is day 1 and the reason I am performing this cleanse.  It is also the only time you will see such a horrible photo of me.

I'm using this as a stepping-off point for my healthy life. You see, after I was fired I was very much motivated to get into the best shape of my life by eliminating processed foods, and having a better since of what I put into my body. And for the first two months things went great. But I get distracted easily and became unfocused. The Master Cleanse is my attempt to reinvigorate that drive in my appearance; which should then lead to better choices and increased confidence.

Of course people are persuading me against it. Of course there are experts online who speak and write about the body's fantastic waste management capacity and that a gimmick such as this does no actual good and could even harm you. Of course it's a damn inconvenience to be social while you are doing this; last night there was cake and tonight there will be drinks and snacks.

But I look at this as one of life's experiences. There are a lot of opinion out in the world, some of them sound and some of them shit. But I'm finding most opinions to be gray and generalized. Nobody truly has any answers. To fully understand something you must experience it. And when else in my lifetime will I have the opportunity to experience controversial things like: leaving a job that I dislike, starting a new career from scratch, re-defining my friendships to more healthy ones, and trying to drop 10+ pounds in ten days on a cleansing fast.

If you are actually out there reading this, stay tuned and see what I look like in ten days - and if I can continue making myself a more healthy me afterwords.