Charging Through Life

I just looked at my spending account online. I got paid exactly one week ago yesterday and since then I have spent $97.83 on meals out! That's nearly $100 in just one week on bad food out! And I didn't even count the couple of times I went to the grocery store to pick things up for the house. Must I remind myself of item #2 on the "10 for X" list?

And while I am scolding myself for spending $100 in just one week on crappy food that wasn't healthy - I'll also go ahead and point out to myself that I've not been keeping to my new scheduled routine for most of this past month! I've done a few new things: woken up earlier, fixed breakfast at home, and been cleaning up the house a little more. But the big items on my new daily routine list - meditating, exercising, fixing lunches from home - are the things I've not been doing. What the Hell, Sam! You're not getting 2010 off to a very good start here!

Now I'm not going to make excuses 'cause that's just lame. But I am going to examine what has caused my failure to adhere to the plan thus far.

1. Ill. For the last two weeks I've been fighting a bacteria in my system and the medicine I'm on has made me lethargic with headaches and the runs (ewwww). It's not been a fun couple of weeks health-wise.
2. Stressed. I've been letting my frustrations over work dictate my mood. The stress, at times, can be consuming and I find myself displacing that stress onto other unrelated issues which turn into their own self-indused stresses. There were times where all I could do was pace in my apartment or watch TV to mentally escape. The bitch of it is, if I could just motivate myself to exercise a little, or sit and meditate, much of that built-up stress would be released. This is an example of a negative in life which is allowed to compound like a snowball down a hill.
3. Depressed/Unmotivated. Both of the previous issues have lead to a lot of inaction on my monthly goal. Plus I've identified a measurable amount of depression that I've been dealing with; my friends have pointed that out to me too. And all of this leads to complete lack of self-improvement because I'm sitting on my ass. I've repeated the sentiment, "I'll start next week," more than once the past couple of weeks, but have yet to actually get going.

This week Dame Oprah interviewed Princess Glambert. I really like this guy! Each time I see Adam Lambert in an interview I am struck by his authenticity. For all his theatricality (and let's not get into the ridiculously over-blown controversy surrounding his TV kiss -- thank you tight-ass conservative America ass-holes) Lambert is unbelievably grounded and very real! And his album is great.

So he was discussing with Ms. O how it was that he came to the Idol competition. He was a theater fag doing "Wicked" in Los Angeles and said that he was "bored" of that work and, "kinda' asked for something to happen."


There are two very important concepts that Lady Glambert and Lady O are discussing here:

1. Envisioning what you want your life to be and putting that out into The Universe.
2. Taking action.

Everyone, everywhere has a daily routine. Routines are just.... routine. So you may think it's silly for a 33-year-old man to be focussing time and effort to change and improve his daily routine. But here's the thing: because I'm single, have no kids, and don't answer to anyone but myself, I can be extremely complacent in my routine. If there's something I don't want to do in a day I just don't do it. And there in-lies the problem.

So, using the 10 for X list as a guide, I've put together a list of things to accomplish each day with approximate times to follow. My whiteboard at home has a complete daily schedule with times listed; but this is just my ideal schedule; I'm not going to get hung up on a schedule, just the tasks.

The biggest change is in my new morning routine is a wake-up time. I've been getting up without an alarm for years now but it doesn't happen until time to get dressed for work. I've never been a morning person - just ask my Mom. But, as I get older, I find that morning hours are prime to getting things knocked out before the chaos of the day. And evening hours can become quickly filled with other tasks that aren't scheduled or anticipated. So the biggest part of this new schedule for me will be when I wake up in the morning: between 5 & 5:30 A.M (yikes!)

Mornings:

• Morning exercise (1 hr): can be yoga, running, core work, stretching, etc.
• Morning meditation (20 min)
• Breakfast from home
• Clean: pick up the kitchen & living room, make the bed
• Fix lunch @ home to take for the day

This modified daily routine is more about maintaining discipline in my life than anything else. It's about doing the little things all the time. Because when you take care of the little things in your life every day you end up spending just a little amount of time on them instead of waiting until they are big problems in your life that require a lot of effort.

Improving my discipline on these small tasks are a foundation for growth throughout the entire year. Without a foundation of discipline you can change nothing.

So I now I have 10 things I want to really focus on in the new year. But trying to tackle 10 new habits, or having 10 different choices to always half to make all the time is just a recipe for failure! So to make sure I keep to my resolutions, I'm breaking down my 10 for X list; one topic for each month throughout the year. These monthly themes will inspire my efforts so I have one thing to deal with at a time. Brilliant.... I know.

By not overloading myself trying to accomplish everything all at once I'll be able to succeed with steady progression over time and not get frustrated or bored. It allows me the ability to make short term and achievable goals that will keep me motivated for 12 months. And each of the months lessons progressively build upon one another so that the improvements I gain in one month can be capitalized upon as I grow.


January = Routine
What's easy to overlook in any given day/week are those mundane tasks which I hate to do. By adhering to a more disciplined routine, I can maximize the efficiency of my day and have no excuse to avoid the unpleasant. It will be important to schedule in the tasks I don't like to do, like exercise and cleaning, then make certain those tasks are done at the appropriate times.

February = Fitness & Nutrition
I'm stepping up my game in February and fast-tracking my body image goals. A daily time for exercise will have already been put into my regular routine, but in February I want to really maximize my time in the gym. Pick a Beachbody program and really get into it. Also, eating right will be a major focus with a goal being to eliminate soda from my diet. "Fat boy's don't get laid"

March = Finances
It's tax season and I will spend the month dealing with my income-to-debt ratio, my budget, the mortgage, taxes and regular withholdings, while trying to increase my savings for future expenses and building an "oh-fuck!" account. This will also be a good time to figure out how to begin rebuilding my credit.

April = Career
Though I can not directly affect if I get hired or get a promotion, I can put in the effort to finding that great new job or showcasing my work and becoming invaluable wherever I'm at. It's time to figure out once-and-for all what I want to be when I grow up and get myself squarely on a growth path by demonstrating my core competencies. It will also be the time to network with friends and build contacts for new opportunities.

May = Me: Love
It's my birthday month and I can think of no better time to really love me! I'm going to take May and re-connect with all the great things that make's me who I am and love and cherish what I can do well. No negative thoughts for these spring flowers, May is just about Me, what I want, and what is important to me. Building confidence and respect for the great things I do well.

June = Health & Beauty
Now that I have turned 34, June is the time to really address some good anti-aging measures. A daily skin & hair retention routine will have been established and followed already. So this month will be spent on some deeper maintenance. Go in for a facial and skin consultation, get a few things waked, take a whole-foods cooking class, or enjoy a spa day. This month is about turning back the clock a little.

July = Pride
Summer is in full-swing and the gay boys are getting their pride on. I'm taking this month to celebrate being gay and having pride in myself. I'm going to celebrate what I've done in my life and accomplished in the first half of this year. I'm also going to look at how my life and my self-confidence touches and affects other people in my life. It's a chance to meditate and center myself then get out and meet new people.

August = Education/Learning
Part of The New Sam is finding out what other people know. Time to invest in a class on something new and interesting; do a writing workshop, group exercise, study poker or learn to cheat at blackjack. Take an in-depth meditation class, or really get into yoga. Get out and find a group and try something out of the comfort zone.

September = Style
Let's hope that by now all the hard-work I've been putting into the gym is paying off. I may be ready to show it off a little. September is the time to splurge a little and freshen up the wardrobe. Clothes do not make the man, but they do reflect his attitude.

October = Open
I'm giving myself a month here to play catch-up. Re-visit anything I want to do again or that needs more work. Maybe I've made great strides on something one month already and want one month to go even further! This month isn't being pre-planned, but it will have a focus.

November = Home
Take some time to get organized. Throw out any junk or clutter that's accumulated around the house. If you're not using it then you don't need it. And if there's extra cash around, maybe invest in some improvements like new windows (OK that would take a lot of cash), bathroom cabinets, closet doors, or a bar. If there's no extra cash then just scrub the place down and give it a good spit-n-polish along with throwing out the unneeded crap.

December = Reflection & Planning
With 12 months down let's see how I did. Who am I today and what's different from a year ago? What did I learn about myself and get accomplished in only 12 months of focussed effort? What did you not do as well or totally screwup... anything? How will this year be remembered? And, most importantly, what's next?

With the New Year only days away, I wanted to take some time to come up with a few resolutions for the year. I don't typically make New Year's resolutions but I feel like now is a good time to set up some expectations that will guide me throughout the next year. So I sat down and came up with ten resolutions for 2010, my "10 for X" list!

1. Fitness. Add structured exercise into my daily routine at least once a day, working towards being the most fit I can be.
2. Diet/Nutrition. Eat a more balanced diet of natural whole foods which are prepared at home in a more cost effective manor and served in healthier portions.
3. Finances. Be ever-mindful an even more accurate and comprehensive budget which accounts for what can realistically be adhered to across all payment categories, and which includes savings and debt reduction plans.
4. Routine/Schedule. Become more disciplined about maintaining a daily schedule, especially for tasks I don't enjoy or require added discipline, so that daytime activities are maximized.
5. Career. Put fourth the dedication and effort required of my work (or future career), more consistently, regardless of compensation and personal attitude.
6. Connections. Through a daily meditation practice or other centering exercise, become more aware of my surroundings and how I interact in them, as well as how I'm connected to others.
7. Organization. Break old habits in-order to become more disciplined about immediately putting items around the house away properly and doing more with less clutter.
8. Fewer sodas, drinks, drugs. Committing to my health, reduce or eliminate the consumption of soft drinks and reduce alcoholic consumption - especially sugary drinks.
9. Learn/Read. Continue to expand my experiences by exposing myself to the shit that other people know. 
10. Image & pride. Discover, covet, maintain and project the image you wish other's to have of you by gaining a more solid inner-confidence and well-pollished outer shell.

1. Started this blog
2. Began an internal cleansing program for my insides
3. Stopped the occasional/recreational use of damaging drugs for good
4. Got rid of all my credit card debt *poof*
5. Closed all my online gay hook-up accounts
6. Read "The Truth About You: Your Secret To Success" in an attempt to focus my career objectives by defining my personal strengths
7. Read "The Slight Edge" in an attempt to focus my life and realize my goals
8. Took a meditation class
9. Began taking vitamins more regularly again
10. Am trying to take a couple of lunches a week to work from home
11. Organized my closets and freshened up the layout of my living room
12. Committing to program to help prevent hair loss
13. Talked to a boy and went out on an actual date

I was having a little lunch the other day with some of the boys and I was telling them all about Josh & Phillip's holiday party. J&P are my studio exec friends who have this outrageous home just at the base of the Hollywood Hills. Their place, which is pretty much a mansion as far as I'm concerned, has so many rooms that some don't really have a purpose. There is one room with just a piano in it. And the room next to that is apparently a sitting room. And all of their friends who were there (and it was packed) are extremely powerful high-level executives at various studios. They are all attractive, rich, successful, dating, happy, blah blah blah. Basically, everyone at this party is they type of person I want to be.

So I'm at lunch recounting this story to my friends and saying how in awe I was by everyone at this party, when KC's boyfriend, Al, says to me, "the only difference between them and you, Sam, is they have confidence in themselves."

You know, I'm starting to really like this boy KC has found.

It's a funny thing, confidence. If you're blindly un-aware of things greater then yourself, I would imagine it easy to find confidence in those things you are exposed to. My parents, for example, have lived in the same small county in Indiana all their lives and can be relatively confident because their community accurately reflects who they are and what they will achieve in life.

But when you live in a world where you are exposed to the lavish, the famous, the powerful, the beautiful, the glamour that is and can be Los Angeles - but yet you yourself do not possess such a lifestyle - confidence in yourself and what you can achieve can be difficult to find and maintain.

I am confident in my technical abilities. I know computers and computer-aided design extremely well. I am extremely well versed in some of today's top-level programs such as FinalCut, Photoshop, Illustrator, Compressor, etc. And what I don't know I can learn quickly and easily (usually on my own).

I am confident in my creativity and imagination. I can think up funny ideas, communicate my opinions, create attractive and functional environments, and make things pretty.

I am confident in my loyalty. I stand-by and love my friends. I go out-of-my-way to help those I care about. And I dedicate myself to my work when I feel challenged and properly rewarded.

These few attributes for which do I have confidence should speak volumes about me and what I am capable of. And they should translate well into a great new job that has great rewards. But the thing is, while I am confident I can handle any new job that comes my way - I can't prove it.

Oh to half to prove yourself and your self-confidence to others. It's such a phony thing we must do. And the only way to really prove yourself in business is to have a solid track record. And with me now on version 7b of my ever-evolving resume, I am not confident that my past experiences accurately reflect what I'm capable of or want my new career path to be.

I started reading this new book tonight called The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. It talks mostly about persistence and making small positive choices every day over the small negative choices. Both choice is seemingly insignificant in the moment, but over time the positive choices compound (so too do the negative choices). An example of this can be found in my dinner tonight. I had frozen chicken breasts at home that I could cook - or I had a frozen pizza at Pavillion's I could go buy. The pizza was tasty, BTW - thanks for asking. I am not confident I made the best dinner choice tonight. And I am not confident I have always been consistent with my dedication to, and choices in my career. Those bad career choices are biting me in the ass right now!

However...

I am confident in my ability to change and improve. 

And it all starts with a simple positive choice(s). And it starts now.