Charging Through Life

You know that Zen, Buddhist, Hippie saying, "it's not about the destination, it's about the journey"? Well I call Bullshit! Seriously, I would be perfectly content with "the journey" if it came equipped with a GPS, an outdated map, or at least a passenger who swears over and over that he does know the way to Funky Town AND he knows a short cut.

So, when you have a couple annoying masculine traits and you find yourself traveling along the road of life without any navigational tools, what's a gal to do?

Nautical sailors would look to the stars to guide their way. Well I've read my horoscope and and that shit just couldn't be more off. Although being a Gemini I will say I'm constantly at odds with myself - thank you for that Twins.

Or you could watch for the helpful road signs placed along your path, but those are so often mis-interpreted. I mean, I thought that caution sign on the way to San Diego was telling people to flee from their children as fast as possible. BTW: message received.

Without the aid of easy to understand road signs, I've been trying to follow other drivers and try to take similar routes. But I've got to get real; my little Saturn just can't keep up with Randy who is in the 'corporate executive' toll lane. Nor can I catch up to friends like Josh & Phillip who are in the 'fabulous, popular, rich, house-in-the-hills, studio executive' lane. I tried to follow KC for a while but I think he's blissfully happy cruising down the 101 stopping occasionally to play with stray cats. He may have a destination but he's going to get there in his own creative way. At least I know enough to just drive right on past those friends of mine who are either in the slow lane or are off to the shoulder with car trouble.

The only road sign of life I've been able to effectively read is, "Lane Ends Merge..." Problem is I didn't catch the last part which told me if I need to go Right or Left. The lane I'm in is coming to a close and it's a good thing! I'm ready, anxious even, for some change in my life. But it's that road ahead that has me worried. Besides not knowing exactly how to merge onto it, I keep getting this nagging feeling that there's another sign life is giving me that I should be paying attention to right now and it reads, "Now leaving Los Angeles. Thanks for hanging, dude."

So I think it's time for me to stop and see if I can ask for directions. Now I don't know if this is going to help but today I found a meditation center in WeHo and they have an introduction talk next weekend. True, as a white-trash kid from rural Indiana, I'm probably not suppose to believe in Zen, Buddhist, Hippie nonsense like meditation but it does seem like a very LA thing to do. And if I can calm down the conversation in my head then we might begin to make some progress.

Also, I found some classes offered through the LA Gay, Lesbian center. True, the 'snotty, bitchy, WeHo-elitist Sam' would look down on events from the gay community center but, thankfully, that's one of the chapters that's closing in my life. Bu-bye.

I am definitely on my way somewhere new that I haven't been before. I've hit a couple speed bumps and fell into a pot hole or two before but those roads are behind me. And while I'm anxious to see what's in-store next for this journey, it's time now for me to pull over, gas up, pick up a protein bar, and ask some people what they know. I need more information. It's not really be about their answers. It's about asking the questions.