Saturday, September 26, 2009
Zero
It is official. Sure I knew it already, but now it is fact. Now it is law. It is recognized by the establishment and can not be contested...
Robert S. Watkins is worthless!
(and I couldn't be happier)
It really only took 90-seconds for the State of California to render me legally worthless. Waiting in line was more painful then the actual sentencing. And it was not really that much of a blow to my moral center to be deemed worthless; I cracked little jokes and made people around me chuckle.
I guess now that it has been decided that I legally am worth nothing and I have nothing to give comes the hard part... identifying what I am worth and what I have to give. You see, I look at this whole bankruptcy as one giant reset. The CTR+ALT+DELETE buttons of my life have been pressed and I get to try again. I am no longer living in the negative, yet I am far away still from the positive. But at least I have been reset to zero. Going now forward -- that is the objective.
I can't begin to tell you how long I have felt undervalued. As a kid I was told I wasn't as smart as the other students and I needed, "special attention." I actually believed that shit! That worth-less feeling followed me through high school and college where I never forced myself to strive for the 'A' when a 'C' was perfectly acceptable. And onto adulthood, when guys show interest in me I would find flaws to make myself seem less desirable or would play out the relationship in my head to see how it would end - and that was before even agreeing to a first date. For years, I have been doing to myself what the creditors were doing to me: pushing myself further in the negative. For the greater part of my life I've done what the State of California just did to me in 90-seconds: passed judgement on myself based on other people's standards.
Fuck them!
Today I am at zero and I commit to myself to no longer be negative!
I have this second chance to go in any direction I chose. Sure, I have no fucking clue where to go from here, but at least I recognize that now is the time to do something - anything. And being the hard-headed guy I am, I intend to charge in this new direction MY way. Which means no more debt - emotionally or financially. No more putting the needs and wants of others before my own. If I have learned anything, it is that the world is a greedy, greedy place. It is time for me to be greedy too! And I plan on being greedy with my good health, greedy with my career, greedy in surrounding myself with fun and positive friends, greedy with my time and charity for worthy causes, and greedy with my kindness towards others. (note: explore this theme of greed in a later blog - I really like it :-D )
question:
Ok, Sam, you have successfully (and surprisingly) motivated yourself through writing this entry, which ended in a very different way then it started. *pat on the back* Where will you go from here, little one? How do you go from zero to positive? What will you do now that your life has been reset and is starting back up?
answer:

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About Me
This ain't no Blog-Shit
I know a lot of blogs out there center around a person's interests or hobbies and they are usually full of photos and links and commentary or opinion. This is not that kind of blog.
This is more like a diary - a journal of the lessons I learn and the mistakes and progress I make. I am actually more honest in this thing than I am to most of my friends and certainly more so than to my family! This level of candor is an attempt to keep me honest and accountable. I do my very best to write what I think, no matter how personal, and refrain from editing (hence the spelling and grammar issues).
Anyone who comes across this blog is welcome to learn about me though it - and comment if you like. I know some people are learning some rather detailed shit about me. But I am putting it out there for others to learn by or be inspired. And I put it out there so that The Universe may hear my honesty and send back to me good lessons and good fortune.
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