Charging Through Life

Unless I specifically want pity or to get out of paying for a drink, I've stopped telling people that I'm "unemployed" because I always receive the same look of worry mixed with sympathy and uneasiness. Plus I'm always afraid that people will think I'm not capable of landing a killer job because clearly I would have done so by now. I must be incompetent, they must think. So I stick with the, "I'm a freelance contractor" or "I'm a web and marketing consultant" because both are vague yet impressive and very few people have follow-up questions.

But the fact remains that I am unemployed; which is not all that bad if you take advantage of it. I realize there have been missed opportunities in my unemployment but, for the most part, I feel it's been time well spent. And as I reflect on exactly one year of unemployment today, I think about the important lessons I've learned.


It may be the number one cause of domestic disputes, but money is not that hard to come by and should NEVER be your motivating factor in any decision. What I've learned in the past year is that if you are struggling to acquire money or manage money, you are giving it too much power. What I've learned, and what I believe, is that The Universe will give you the money you need when you need it.

Now I do need to preference this statement with "only in America." Clearly the villagers in South Africa need money and it ain't commin' to them by the grace of shit. But in our society today, money is available. Even homeless people on the street can get money when they need it - people just hand it to them! If you are creative, if you are willing to work, if you are humble when in need, and if you can stand in your own truth about money and your situation - it will make itself available to you somehow.


This is the hardest lesson I've had to learn. Life is a marathon you race with yourself. I have wasted this past year - well much of my life - comparing myself to other people. I was trying to keep up, trying to show off, trying not to fall behind, trying to be better than someone else with completely different life experiences. You will NEVER win against other people.

You might think this gives you the perfect excuse to slack off and not try. Quite the opposite. You must work harder every day to do better than yesterday. To compete with yourself is far more challenging than to rise above someone else. And what might be the greatest challenge in this lesson is to honestly assesses yourself each and every day to determine if you are improved, or did you slack and fail today. Standing in one's truth, as Suzy Orman would say, is the first and most difficult step.


Sitting in the corporate world, I have watched so many clueless 20-somethings become disgruntled employees or get themselves fired because they thought they were "owed" a raise. I'm not about to bash unions here, but it's a little bit of a 'union mentality' whereby you demand something because you simply are an employee. And I have to be honest here, I had that attitude at Beachbody. I had been at the company for a while and 'expected' to get a different job or be challenged in a new way. I thought I had outgrown my position and expected a new and greater challenge. Even during this time of unemployment, I've expected employers to call me and set up an interview just because I responded to a job posting and I'm (let's face it) incredible.

This is a ruthless world, people, and everyone is out for one single person: themselves. Only your Momma cares more about you than you do and she ain't hiring right now. So you've got to take what you want out of life or make it. If you have a dream of what you want to do or be - it's up to you to make it happen. Be creative, be original, be selfish until your dream becomes reality. And if you want a job or money, or a business deal, or some item - you had better have the balls to drive harder and faster than the next guy and be absolutely ruthless by taking whatever it is from your competition and from the person who's offering it as a prize. Be selfish and opportunistic or go home.


My time spent trying to start a new business over the summer with Richard taught me that there is absolutely nothing that I can't do if given just a little bit of time. I was tasked with assignments to try and keep that business idea afloat, the likes of which I've never even thought about doing before. And I did them.

Much like the lesson about competing only with yourself, remember that the products you produce in life aren't going to be like someone else's. Your report, your design, your hobby, your lame widget isn't going to turn out exactly the same as another persons and that's cool! I didn't write the world's best business proposal - but I wrote one. My first. And now that sits in my toolbox of skills.


Look around my apartment and you will see lists, schedules, goals, and plans everywhere. I have colorful marker boards hanging on my walls that are adorned with affirmations, passions, and plans. In one full year of unemployment, I have yet to finish the 90-day P90X routine even though it's been a major goal of mine to use this time to get into the best shape of my life. People, don't tell yourself what you're going to do - DO what you're going to do!!


Along those same lines, I have learned that procrastination is a plague within our society that can destroy you. Though I may have walls filled with lists, and plans, and goals... I also have an evil and loud voice inside my head that says, "I'll get to that." "I'm not ready for that item." "I don't know where to start."

Everyone has a chance for greatness within their own lives, if they are competing with themselves every day. But far too often, we -- the entire society -- procrastinates and finds excuses not to embark upon our greatness. It is the largest regret I have from this past year of unemployment that I put off doing the things I said I wanted to do and squandered the most precious commodity I had... time.


When I first found myself unemployed I told myself that I was going to make this time "incredible." I made the pledge to take advantage of the gift of time and use it to learn, grow, be un-affraid. And I did that, as evident by the lessons I learned. But what I have also come to realize is that the majority of experiences are to be acquired from real-life interaction. You can not adequately learn or grow from introspective contemplation or self-directed study. To truly grasp an understanding of yourself and grow as an individual, you must surround yourself with others and their experiences. Not an easy thing to do when you are financially strapped and everyone you know is at their 9to5. But, again, it's about being creative and resourceful.


The two questions I have struggled the most to answer are, "What do you want out of life," and "What can you offer the world better than anyone else?" These are the questions of life to answer, according to Chris Guillebeau. And, honestly, I'm still struggling to answer those questions.

Look, there are a million+ people out in the world who will help you succeed in life if you ask for their help. The trick here is knowing what to ask for -- knowing yourself well enough to know what you want, where you want to go, what will make you happy, and what excites you. So if you ever find yourself struggling in a job and not going anywhere, if you ever find yourself in debt so deep you don't know how you will get out, if you ever are behind on your mortgage, or if you are ever just clueless at how your life has turned out the way it has... my advice is to take a year off and spend some time getting to know yourself. It's the first step to a new beginning.