Charging Through Life

To hang out inside my brain is to hang out in a very noisy place full of contradiction. When I'm seriously thinking about my life, which is often these days, it's a full-blown argument up there. Seriously, I would not be shocked one bit if I were to one day be diagnosed as schizophrenic because I can hold entire conversations with myself, in my head, and have completely opposing viewpoints... from myself.

This weekend I was going over in my head the recent decision to cast safety aside and throw all my effort into a new online business venture with my business partner, Richard. We are starting an online membership site to teach people the art of glamour photography as a hobby and as a noble way to meet people. And yet, as it is with my life these days, as soon as one good opportunity presents itself, another good offer comes right around the corner. I am scheduled for an interview with Technicolor tomorrow for a customer service director position where I would re-locate to Virginia for 6 months before settling permanently in LA. And, no, doing both is not an option - I have to choose between them.

"What an awful predicament to find yourself in," you might be thinking, dear reader. Here I am with no job currently, and yet have two great options to choose from. "Oh the perils of being Sam at this moment in time."

But actually, having options is stressful. My choices will take me in two completely opposite directions. There is A) the safe corporate route which ensures me a steady paycheck that is more than I have ever made in any one place in my life, but will be boring and creatively stifling --- or option B) starts an entirely un-charted venture where unprecedented success or failure is mine to achieve all on my own and nothing is guaranteed  - and the odds are stacked against me.

So as I am pondering the merits of both options in my mind, the argument is posed seemingly from nowhere, "why do you always go for the more difficult route in life, asshole?" (Understand that I have no idea where that argument came from which is why it's entirely possible that I'm clinically crazy - and, yes, my brain calls me names sometimes so there's that I need to figure out with my shrink).

But crazy or not, the depths of my consciousness had a point: why not just go for the safe, easy choice? Do I always need to make my life more difficult?

There is an excellent chance I am being naive here, but there's one thing I know to be certain: nobody ever made it big by playing things safe. Problem with that line of reasoning is that we only hear about the major success stories in life and not the major failures. So, again the question is posed, do I go big or go safe?

I suppose I should count my blessings and recognize that, though I may fail, I owe it to myself and The Universe to at least try this more dangerous venture. Complacency can be an awful and infectious condition that grows throughout a society. Effort and hard work are not always rewarded, but satisfaction can only be gained from the effort. Or as my Dad would more simply put it, "If it were easy they would let women and children do it."

So I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm going to go for that which is difficult and try something big, something hard, something dangerous. I am going to test my wits and creativity and see if I can make something out of nothing. And in 6 to 8 months time I will look back at this blog entry and figure out if I chose correctly or if I should have listened to the argument raging inside my head - even if it does make me out to be a wack-a-doo.