Charging Through Life

Do you believe that people in LA are shallow? It's OK if you do; it's a prevalent stereotype that is not all entirely untrue. When thinking about today's topic, it's tough for me not to come across as a shallow LA fag. I tried to frame it differently, but it is what it is. So here goes - don't think less of me...

How we define success in life is so very different for every person. Some look towards fame, others towards family, others toward work to measure success in their life. And how you define your own personal success will change many times throughout your life. Getting that first great car in your 20's makes you feel successful, though not nearly as does owning your first home. Then, as your children graduate high school and are off to college, you probably feel more successful than at any prior moment in your life. That is until the grandkids come.

For me, today, at this moment, success in life would half to be defined by 'getting my shit together' and engineering an entirely new stage for my life. I would feel successful by finding and landing a fantastic career that pays me very well, getting a handle on my mortgage, getting toned and muscular, and having an incredible summer without the depressed or jealous feelings of inadequacy I have around those friends who do have the money, the career, the house, the muscles.

And here's the part where feel guilty that my definition of success today is just a bunch of superficial crap. "Where," my guilty conscious asks, "are the deep meaningful friendships, the efforts to improve the world, the impacting of other people's lives, the being kind and forgiving bullshit answers you're suppose to say about what constitutes a 'Successful Life'?"

See, I'm shallow. It's an LA thing, give me a break.

Though, thinking about it, it could be a fundamental character flaw I have in my attraction to material things. When I was a kid growing up in Fortville there was this funeral home that was two-stories tall and had white columns from the porch to the roof. I always associated it with being a 'big and glamorous house.' I would tell my parent's that, "one day I'll live in a house like that." Sure it doesn't look like much today, but to an 8y/o living in fucking Fortville, IN it might as well have been a mansion. Sad thing is, the one-beadroom condo I own in West Hollywood today probably costs more than that old house which still sits down the street from an abandoned grain silo.

Who's to say how I'll define success 30 years from now? I look at my buddy Topper, who's in his mid-seventies, and hope that success in my later years of life skew in similar directions as his have. He owns a successful fragrance line, a spa, has a husband of a million-years, and more friends than he can count. But the thing for which he feels most fulfilled is in the abundance of good friends who come by his store just to chat. He feels success by being able to graciously welcome and entertain them, and provide a comfortable space for others to enjoy. The money and the business don't mean nearly as much as the connections he has formed with others.

I'm sure I'll get there someday (hopefully). But today, being able to support myself financially with some  extra mula around to play with, and having a career that engages my creativity and fuels my passions, is pretty top on the list of priorities. And it's a damn good way to gauge success in my life.

Sure, I could gauge success by looking back at my accomplishments through these past 34 years - and I would have plenty of examples to choose from. My accomplishments go as far back as third-grade where it was decided that I had a learning disability and needed to be in Special Ed classes; but by middle school, the Special Ed classes became optional. And by high school I was accepted into elite-status classes such as Journalism. Today you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who thinks I ever had a learning disability (unless they see my awful spelling, that is).

Other examples of success from my past include me moving out of my parent's house when I was 18 to attend college. My Grandpa Watkins didn't think I would do either of those things, instead placing his bet that I'd, "be back living with Mom before the end of the first year." Yet four years later, there I was, the first person on Mom's side of the family to earn a Bachelor's degree. And I payed for it all on my own (for several, several years to come).

I was also successful when I ventured on my own to move to California while much of my family remains in the same Indiana county they've lived their entire lives. And success further would be be in always fighting for myself: be that by coming out of the closet in the early 90's, or in finding new income when previous jobs were lost - never asking for or requiring financial assistance from relatives.

But I've done that stuff already - it's old news. What's important today is to concentrate on how I view success now, and how I'm striving for a more successful life in my future. Hopefully you will agree that I am making very deliberate and effective efforts to obtain a successful life. I'm committed to staying dedicated to my goals of hitting the gym, of meeting with my Life Coach, of further discovering and developing my interested and talents. These, and other goals, will lead me towards securing a new career that can be an instrumental component to achieve more successes in the long-term; no matter how I may change or re-define what constitutes a Successful Life for me in the future.