Charging Through Life

Most people fail at changing their lives, or in even just incorporating new habits such as exercise, because they don't have a properly written goal and reward system in-place. I'm a prime example of this. I've got my 10 for X list of choices that I want to make a part of my life this year, but we're in the middle of February already and I am not sticking to them like I should.

The reason is because I'm trying to make a lot of changes in myself and remove a lot of bad habits - but have nothing to strive for. There is no prize at the end for my efforts. Yea, sure, a "better Sam" is a worthy outcome for which I should always be striving for, but that's so abstract. I need something more tangible to put my efforts towards. Something like a vacation! So let me try to more clearly define all of this...

LONG-TERM GOAL:
Incorporate the 10 for X choices into my lifestyle so that they become part of who I am and thereby improve my position and circumstances in life.

SHORT(er) TERM GOALS:

1. Acquire a solid and fulfilling career position making at or near $75k annually before June.
2. Put aside $125 every paycheck for a year into a savings account for a vacation
3. Make exercise and fitness a regular part of my daily routine by
   
   
   1. Committing to a round of P90X and doing 20 workouts over 30-days
   2. Finish a full round of the program by June 1
4. Make better eating choices that are both healthy and less expensive by
   
   
   1. Replacing one meal a day, for 20 days, with Shakeology
   2. Prepare a healthy lunch from home 3-days a week
5. Begin rebuilding my credit by securing a personal loan or credit card by the end of March and not carrying a balance
   

I wasn't going to write an entry today (I'm suppose to be cleaning right now but far be it from me to find any excuse to avoid that chore). But it's Valentine's Day and I thought something should be said.

It's becoming more and more apparent, in my early 30's, that all my friends are more seriously parring off. You've got lifers like Brian & Drew who actually have rings, then the are the newer relationships like KC & AL who, for the record, I think are good for each other. I'm not saying I want to be dating someone right now; quite the opposite - I'm actively avoiding relationships in-order to spend the time needed to improve myself.

But there is one person who I want to say, "I love you" to today. ME!

I've been pretty tough on myself for a while. And though this tough love will continue, I want to just stop on this made up holiday to remind myself that I've made some positive changes and improvements. There is still so much more to go, but sometimes I discount what I've already done. So allow me to whisper a few of these forget me not's:

• I'm paying cash for everything these days and living quite well without excess
• I'm networking and job hunting aggressively
• I've gone at least one great interview and, even though it didn't turn in my favor, I remain hopeful, positive, and resilient
• I'm living a cleaner social life having given up harsh drugs and significantly scaled back on 'lighter' drugs and excessive alcohol

They tell me that, "all good things come to those who wait," and that, "patience is a virtue." To which I say FUCK OFF!

I went on an interview a couple weeks ago at Disney for a job in Home Entertainment working with Blu-Ray and digital download technology. It is an unbelievably fantastic opportunity. So that was two weeks ago; last week I checked in with Gabe (the recruiter) and he told me that Marc (the hiring manager) loved me, thought I was "bright" and a "good fit" and he would make a final decision sometime that week. So I was patient and waited another week before calling Gabe back - today - to see if there was any new news.

They went with an internal candidate for the position. Shit!

But Gabe said they were "really impressed" with me, thought I was "bright" and are keeping me in-mind. Apparently Marc at Disney had originally requisitioned two new positions but only one had been approved and 'the other guy' got it. But he's now pushing for the second position to be approved and I'm at the top of the list for that one. (but, of course, there is no time-table for when it will be approved)

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. Vegas strategy would suggest that the odds for me getting this job have just been greatly reduced - like to nearly impossible. Logically then, I should step away from the table and put my money on a more sure bet.

But even though logic tells me to move on there is still something in me somewhere that hasn't given up hope with this one. Call it Woman's Intuition, but I just see myself in this role. There is a certain certainty inside me that is whispering, "wait, be patient and don't give up - you're SO close."

I wish I could explain it more than that and pull this entry together into a more cohesive thought but I just can't. I am certain today that there is something out there for me that will be fucking fantastic. I am certain today that I'm close to it and that I'm going to land it before May (probably sooner). I only hope that I've not been given a string of false hope here and am just chasing something I'll never get.

Growing up, my family actually did attend church. And by that I mean my Mom drug Travis and I to go sit in a pew next to Grandma & Grandpa every-other Sunday while Dad went flying. We're not what you would call 'religious' by any means. Going to church was just something you do... occasionally. But as I grew and had my own life experiences, I began to form my own opinions on organized religion and faith.

For the record, my official stance is that The Bible (in any historical form) is NOT and should not be considered a record or documentation of the lives or edicts of people from a different time and should never be used as a point of reference or as leverage for an argument. And as for the existence of "God" or an "afterlife," my position is that the human consciousness is incapable of understanding and/or grasping the reality of any 'superior existence' beyond our cognitive realm.

Basically: there is some shit out there that we will never understand so don't waste my time trying, just chill and enjoy the ride.

But lately I couldn't help but wonder if that attitude, while at first glance may be profound and enlightening, is in-fact limiting, un-educated, and lazy. What if there is a greater force out there that can be tapped into for answers or for guidance?

This very blog, for example, is my conversation with The Universe. I'm not writing it for any one person. It's just, at it's core, a log for me to refer back to. However, it is also a place to communicate my hopes, goals, and lessons learned to an unknown abyss. Could this very blog be a form of communication whereby my thoughts are formed and then released out into a greater conciseness only to be returned in-kind? Are there answers out there to be recieved or signs to be read? Am I being just a wee bit full of myself right now?

Where the fuck am I going with this? Well this evening I was reading my horoscope for the month of February, as interpreted by Susan Miller at Astrologyzone.com. Her predictions for Gemini were very career positive.

• February will be a mammoth month for career progress, one of the most exciting months of all of 2010 and possibly of the decade!
• A firmly locked, creaky old heavy door that you have long hoped to enter will now open wide for you, but you must plan for this day and use it for an important initiation. This affirms my feeling that if you knock long enough and loud enough at the palace gates, someone, somewhere, will let you in. This is the month that is likely to happen, dear Gemini. Be ready!
• February will be a powerful month because it will lift the curtain to reveal the career promise that was destined to come to you in 2010. This is to be your reward year, dear Gemini, the year that will crystallize the wisdom and talents you've developed over the past 10 years.