Charging Through Life

I just looked at my spending account online. I got paid exactly one week ago yesterday and since then I have spent $97.83 on meals out! That's nearly $100 in just one week on bad food out! And I didn't even count the couple of times I went to the grocery store to pick things up for the house. Must I remind myself of item #2 on the "10 for X" list?

And while I am scolding myself for spending $100 in just one week on crappy food that wasn't healthy - I'll also go ahead and point out to myself that I've not been keeping to my new scheduled routine for most of this past month! I've done a few new things: woken up earlier, fixed breakfast at home, and been cleaning up the house a little more. But the big items on my new daily routine list - meditating, exercising, fixing lunches from home - are the things I've not been doing. What the Hell, Sam! You're not getting 2010 off to a very good start here!

Now I'm not going to make excuses 'cause that's just lame. But I am going to examine what has caused my failure to adhere to the plan thus far.

1. Ill. For the last two weeks I've been fighting a bacteria in my system and the medicine I'm on has made me lethargic with headaches and the runs (ewwww). It's not been a fun couple of weeks health-wise.
2. Stressed. I've been letting my frustrations over work dictate my mood. The stress, at times, can be consuming and I find myself displacing that stress onto other unrelated issues which turn into their own self-indused stresses. There were times where all I could do was pace in my apartment or watch TV to mentally escape. The bitch of it is, if I could just motivate myself to exercise a little, or sit and meditate, much of that built-up stress would be released. This is an example of a negative in life which is allowed to compound like a snowball down a hill.
3. Depressed/Unmotivated. Both of the previous issues have lead to a lot of inaction on my monthly goal. Plus I've identified a measurable amount of depression that I've been dealing with; my friends have pointed that out to me too. And all of this leads to complete lack of self-improvement because I'm sitting on my ass. I've repeated the sentiment, "I'll start next week," more than once the past couple of weeks, but have yet to actually get going.