Charging Through Life

Apparently I have no follow-through. Oh, and I'm a bad communicator.... allegedly.

Last week my new "boss" and I had a 'come to Jesus talk.' Oh how I love this woman as a person outside of the office and Oh how I am annoyed with this woman as my "boss" (notice how I keep putting that word in quotes when it refers to her). But the thing about a 'come to Jesus talk' is one person (or sometimes both parties) can take off the bull-shit gloves tell you straight-up what you needed to hear. These occasional talks, which are nothing but pure honesty and directness, can really be helpful even though they certainly damage one's ego.

"When you are 'on your game' your fucking amazing," she told me. "But then when your 'off your game' you're horrible. You've got to maintain some level of consistency and follow-through otherwise people never know if they can rely on you."
*Pow* *Kapluey* right to the ego

I know she's right. When I actually try and put fourth the effort I live up to my expectations and the expectations of those around me. But (and here's my 'come to Jesus' with you, dear blog) when I'm bored, not challenged, or don't really care about something is when it really shows for me. And I have NOT been challenged or cared much about my job for a few months now.

From my vantage point, it all stems from having unfocussed expectations from my superiors, no career growth, and being under compensated for the times when I am "fucking amazing." But, as it has been pointed out to me, those are not reasons enough to simply coast along and not give my very best all the time. This sort of inconsistency displays a certain level immaturity. Ergo, the problems I've faced in advancing my own career actually stem from me not taking the position or the company seriously and always giving my best effort.
*Punch* *Jab* the ego is down

While I don't like her being my new "boss" I am grateful for this direct dose of honesty. It's important to get these little bursts of reality flung in our faces every once in a while. But it's more important to be able to recognize them when they present themselves. Because it is in these moments that you have an opportunity to reflect, learn, and change. So I'm taking the grown-up attitude here by swallowing my pride and paying attention instead of just dismissing everything.

And while we're are having this honest little reflection and reality session, dear blog, I should expand and look at all areas of my life. It's hard to admit but I must say I have difficulty maintaining consistency and follow-through with a lot of things, even outside of work. For example:

• I start a workout program with every intention of completing a 90-day round when something derails me for a couple of weeks (or longer) and I end up giving up on what I have accomplished.
• I tell myself I'm going to eat more healthy meals from home to save money but then get stressed out over something and instead crash on the couch with take-out.
• I've even not been completely dedicated to my meditation practice finding that, some days, it's difficult to find just 20-minutes in the morning and evening to sit alone with my eyes closed.