Charging Through Life

We are hours away from 2011 and I am so very excited. My mind can get very compartmentalized and oriented to steps and timeframes. It's a fault I'm working on. Because while I can see the overall picture and the steps necessary for completion, there are times when I get stuck on a step and can not get around it. Starting points are also quite big for me. And 2011, it seems, has been build up as a major starting point in my head. Like a runner positioned in his starting blocks, I am ready to get going on my journey, but must first wait for the gun to go off and the ball to drop.

I see 2011 as my construction year. As we know, 2009 was when much of my life fell apart, and the house was still crumbling a bit into 2010. But the adjusters have come to see me late this past year and I have a fresh new plan to start my life anew. Every action I take in 2011 will be for the purpose of constructing a new existence unrecognizable to the failed one that was based on a blueprint of conventional thinking.

My umbrella goal is to turn myself into a Power Gay; the successful, well-rounded achiever who excels at all his endeavors. But that is an overall life goal that I will forever be striving for. To move me a step closer I must begin by constructing an entirely new existence. And I see it culminating throughout 2011 in 4 key areas:

1. Body
2. Spirit
3. Social
4. Mind

There is a fun, romantic, energetic, and adventurous feeling most people associate with Las Vegas. Sin City has successfully cultivated positive memories for itself as a premiere entertainment destination for millions... even while taking your money from right in front of you.

For the entire past week before Christmas, I've been on vacation in Vegas with KC & Regan. First let me say that I am extremely proud that I've spent probably only about $350 for the entire week and have seen exhibits, shows, night clubs, drank, and gambled. Not sacrificing too much overall, I've had a pretty full Vegas experience for only a little more than I would have spend at home. But, you see, I've been in Vegas many times and know a few tricks. And unlike the vast majority of tourists, I've been looking around this town a bit.

Like many of the headlining shows, Las Vegas Boulevard and it's glitzy tourist draw is simply a magical illusion. While you are staring in awe at the fountains of Bellagio or the big gold tiger outside of MGM, you are distracted from the things Vegas doesn't want you to see as much like the old and class-less Hooters discount hotel or cheep and tired Bill's Gamblin' Saloon. When you think of Vegas you're thinking about the fancy shops and wonderful casinos, but look towards what the magician is trying to hide and you'll see very poor and old souvenir shops, pawn shops, and more cheep strip clubs than anyone can count.

There's an income gap in this country and The Vegas Strip is a condensed, exaggerated example of the issue. On The Strip today you can be in Gucci and Louis Vuitton on one side of the street and 7-11 on the other. While the rich go and buy the most exquisite jewelry and fashion available in the world, the poor are not far away picking up cigarettes and hot dogs. And I'm not even discussing the impoverished and homeless who are begging for money on the elevated crosswalk in-between the two destinations. But the gap between how fast the rich are improving and the poor are declining is perfectly visible and illustrated in Vegas, literally right across the street from one another.

The middle class in this analogy are just a block away at MGM & New York New York casinos chunking their change into slot machines and throwing down bets on red or black on the roulette wheel. Because, you see, just like in the rest of the country, Vegas is good at leering those with a little bit of discretionary income into placing sucker bets. Again, the magician's illusion is to tell you there is a choice in the matter and that you're having fun walking amongst the wealthy and beautiful. But the trick is that the magician is only using you for his needs and the game is rigged. The lazy middle class are not interested in thinking about the strategy of the game they are playing or trying to learn or look around, so they don't educated themselves on the points of the game being played. Instead the middle class are simply stepping up and throwing out all their cash on two choices that, in the end, are exactly the same: either Republican Red or Democratic Blue (I mean black or red).

Both Las Vegas and the US can treat the middle class with such little disregard because the middle class population is so vast and because eventually they will do as they are told and go home, go back to work where, again, they will be too distracted with life to learn the manipulation tactics being used on them every day to take their cash.

And yet the incredibly rich, the incredibly poor, and the blind middle class are all interested in having a good time and being entertained. What I also find fascinating is how entertainment can pop up for anyone and at any price level. If you've got the cash you're off to see "O" or Cher in concert. If you are poor you'll probably stick to the free pirate show at TI or maybe get a lap dance at a strip club. The middle class will want to see the latest shows but will settle for "Mystere" (which they won't understand) or "Chris Angel's Believe" (which sucked -- don't bother with that one).

So am I turning into a socialist? Do I want everyone to be equal? Do I think that everyone deserves the same? No.

My Vegas vacation has taught me that the economy is diverse and yet survives. There's no need to listen to the doombs-day predictions on the news. But the gap between the street is real and it is widening, make no mistake. Oh, and those fancy shops for the rich are mostly being visited by foreign tourists these days because less and less American's can afford them. Yes, thanks to a very week dollar, I have seen a ton of visitors from Asia this week.

As individuals, we need to look around at our surroundings a little more often and not be distracted by the shiny objects the magician wants us to look at. We need to educate ourselves on the things that look complicated instead of simply plunking our fat asses down in front of a slot machine or TV all night long. Instead of taking the sucker bet and playing by the easy-to-understand rules of going to work every day and earning a pathetic wage, why not re-invent the game and play by your own rules? Find a game and a life that you are passionate about and make the most of it.

In Vegas the house always wins. Make damn sure you are 'the house' of life.

What kind of homo are you? Our little 10% community is quite a diverse one. There are twinks, bears, gym rats, Asian queens, drag queens, tired queens, otters, gaymers, Stepford Fags, activists, leather daddies, trannies, bar trash, sugar daddy, daters, haters, and masturbaters. We are a colorful bunch with many distinctions.

Last weekend I went to a holiday party thrown by my friends Josh & Philip. It's an annual gala affair that brings out the crème de la crème of the Hollywood queers. Josh & Philip are major players and their lives reflect that. They have a massive house: there's a room for the baby-grand, a room for just a fireplace, and a room for books. They have awesome careers that they earned by graduating with honors from top institutions. And they are well-rounded with a variety of interests including world travel, rock climbing, and exotic yoga retreats; yet they remain grounded and genuine to all their friends. Josh & Philip, along with a significant number of those in attendance at this holiday party, are what you would call "Power Gays!"

My Power Gay friend showing off a little on holiday in Bali. Seriously, powerful.

A Power Gay is the Maybach of the homo family. They are successful, shiny, and exclusive. But unlike a high-priced car, the Power Gay remains approachable, grounded, interesting, genuine, and well-rounded. Sure you'll see a Power Gay at the occasional circuit event jumping around shirtless with his perfectly chiseled chest; but he never goes overboard or get's trashy. The Power Gay may be interested in having a night of fun with all his friends, but he will also get up the next day for his group exercise class, yoga, run, or art tour.

A leader in the community, Power Gay's perform charity work and are recognized for their good deeds; yet being gay does not define them and they have interests outside of the community. Highly successful and competitive, a Power Gay does spend a considerable amount of time at his office where he is no doubt CEO, EVP, CMO, or some other combination of a 3-letter title. But you will also find that a Power Gay spends an above-average amount of time on adventurous vacations in history-rich cities that don't have English-speaking tour busses.

Not to confuse you though, a Power Gay can also earn the title through ingenious creativity, activism, and community respect - and not posses the corporate gig or vacations. Let me be clear, tons of money and an expensive wardrobe does not a Power Gay make. It's not about wealth or influence. It's about an overall presence, drive, and character. You can't be a Power Gay if you're an asshole or elitist; and you can't be a Power Gay just because your popular and can blow your way into any club you want.

Simply put, Power Gays excel at everything they do. They amplify all the best qualities inherent to every homosexual.

Every gay person is special and every gay person, by nature of our struggles, has a power within ourselves to draw upon during the dark and troublesome times of our lives. That inner-queer light is a given trait we each have earned through our trying experiences. But it's the Power Gay who is able to tap into that core queer being and ignite it until it radiates from himself and shines upon others with a positive influence. He takes all the powers and traits of his inner homo-being and lives a life of uncompromising excellence, setting a standard for himself and for others.

I saw many fine examples of Power Gays this past weekend and I see some great examples all throughout our community. These pillars have inspired me. Their light has hit me in a new way. A year ago I was emotionally a million miles from where I am today with little confidence in my abilities and was rather jealous of the people at this same party. But only a year later so many things have changed; I have shed much of the negative baggage I once carried.

Though it will be a struggle and something I may never obtain, I vow in 2011 to begin my quest towards becoming my own Power Gay in life! Like any noble quest, I may never achieve victory, nor may I realize if and when I do. But it is simply the quest to become a Power Gay that I feel I must now journey in order to achieve my goals and become my best queer-self.

Who among you is Man enough to join me on this noblest of quests?

Funny thing about year-in-reviews and New Years Resolutions, you don't know what to expect in the future - what obstacles and surprises life has waiting for you. About this time last year I took a moment to, not only reflect on the previous year, but also make some plans for 2010. I called it my 10 for X list, a set of healthy choices I wanted to make more often than not for myself. I had no way of predicting, at that time, how things would turn out in 2010. Getting fired, being threatened with foreclosure, launching a consulting business, starting an internet corporation - none of this was on my radar. All I could do during this time last year was to set out some goals and dreams for the months ahead.

There are small pockets of wisdom I have gleamed from my Father and have been able to adapt to actual functional advise over the years. You need to understand that my Dad and I come from completely different worlds. If women are from Mars and men come from Venus, then my Dad hails from Mercury and I hang out in Uranus. Growing up, there wasn't a lot of relevant life lessons the old man could pass down to his closeted gay son that were going to stick. However one bumper-sticker phrase of his has been popping up in my mind lately...

If they meant this to be easy they'd let Women and Children do it.

A strange sentiment for someone to comprehend who was himself a child at the time; and during a time when gender roles were decentegrading faster than the Berlin Wall. But understanding my father's '50s rural Indiana upbringing, I think I understood what he was saying. Nothing worth achieving ever comes easy.

Yesterday was sorta a shit day. I had it fully scheduled and it was suppose to be quite productive all around. But through a series of unrelated circumstances, none of which instigated by me, every meeting got canceled and I was left with a lot of unproductive alone time to think. And what kept popping up in my head was the uncertainty of success in my new business venture. I've put all my eggs in one basket (to steal another phrase from Dad) and I'm taking a huge risk on something that is more likely to fail than not.

The architect of this corporation, Richard, is more of a thinker and a player than a planner and do-er. And I'm finding it difficult to keep him focussed and on track; which is making me wonder if I have a partner who can hold up his end of the bargain and see this company through to profit. It's becoming more and more apparent that I must assume a leadership role and begin making decisions for the group and the company. Question is: will the millionaire who's idea this all was and who's funding the whole damn thing yield to my business decisions? Or is he only interested in acting like a well-funded frat boy on spring break in exotic places like South Beach, The Caribbean, and Brazil?

I kept thinking yesterday, wouldn't it be easier for me to just go get a desk job at Disney? There was that online video job that I could try to go interview for. Shouldn't I try to do things like a normal person? "Normal" people go out and get jobs and get steady paychecks. That would be a far easier route to take.

And that's when I realized what Dad was talking about. Creating this company is not easy and it's not suppose to be. The Universe has engineered this time in my life to be full of difficult tasks. I'm attempting to completely re-define my life and how it will be lived from now on. If it were easy to change your entire life or start a successful and profitable online company, then everyone would be doing it - women and children included.

I think 2011 is going to full of tasks and challenges meant only for Men to attempt. Getting myself into peek physical shape, creating and launching this corporation, seeking out my true passions in life -- these are not simple things to accomplish. Most people will never do any of these things because they are difficult. It is far easier to just sit on the couch and eat chips, get a job and have someone else tell you what to do, and spend your free time getting drunk; and so that's what the majority of people choose to do.

It's a test of a Man's character to rise to the challenge and say, "I'll tackle this - this thing that is difficult." Failure is an understood risk that must be part of the equation. Most people don't want to fail so they don't do things that come with risk. A true Man welcomes the threat of failure and sees it as worthy opponent to spar against in gentlemanly battle. While others watch from the sidelines, a Man sizes his obstacles, chooses his weapons, forges his alliances, and marches forward towards his goal. It is in these times a real Man is defined and becomes separated from the women and children in life.

So. Bring it on, Bitch!